Thursday, March 10, 2016

Motherfucking Adderal

One month ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD (or maybe just ADD) and have been prescribed Adderal. I'm 30. Hearing the doctor read off the symptoms checklist was honestly a little shocking in how fully it applied to me. I was prescribed "old school" quick-release 10mg pills and told to take them 'as needed', up to two pills, two times a day, with the effects typically being felt for 4-6 hours. This is my first experience with more 'hardcore' medication, and man oh man, it certainly makes a difference.

I've heard that people with ADHD commonly feel "calmed" by the Adderal. I'm not sure if that's the intended effect, but that's not what it does to me. I basically feel like I have the best coffee high ever. If I haven't had coffee for a long time, then have a good brew - or if I've been drinking shit coffee then have a venti Starbucks - THAT'S how I feel. I feel (way) more talkative. I can get on cleaning benders that make me feel like a tweaker. I feel more articulate, with the words coming more fluidly, and my vocabulary more accessible. I'm more productive at work and at home. It feels good. It's fun. I like it. I want more. And that is scary.

I've heard Adderal can be addicting. I'm seriously trying to be cautious, and keep that in check, by taking regular breaks (taking it on workdays, but not on weekends), and having either no pill or one pill on easy days, two to four on harder days (where I know I'll be working longer hours and be more physically active)). Part of me wonders: if it's not having a calming effect on me, does that mean I don't have ADD/ADHD? And if not, then should I be taking it? The other part of me feels like it's helping, and that's enough for me to want to continue use - at least for now.

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